i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
