We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
