I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
