You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
