I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
