Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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