We won't sleep together?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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