dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
