I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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