my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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