Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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