Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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