Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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