we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
