he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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