I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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