You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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