We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
