i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
