how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I didn't notice because vodka
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
