I can tuck mytits in my pants
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
