she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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