She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
