I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
