You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
