just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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