first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
bring money and cleavage
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
