So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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