Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
