He asked me if I "almost moaned"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
