Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am spending my child support on dildos
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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