So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
