I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
