we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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