gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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