I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
