Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
