its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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