Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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