I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
