Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
