I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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