dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
