I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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