Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They are going to name an STD after you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
