and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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