new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
