There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The feeling are messing with the penis
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
