Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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