New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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